The Bismarck Tribune: “A Bismarck woman says someone broke into her home, cooked some bacon and drank some beer… Bismarck Police Sgt. Mark Buschena said the 30-year-old woman… arrived home and smelled cooked bacon. She discovered that someone had broken her bedroom window and entered her home. The burglar used the microwave to cook bacon from her refrigerator and took three cans of Bud Light.”
Again I have to ask, could this be the greatest heist of all time? I can’t believe that this woman had the gall to bring this case to the authorities. How can they possibly narrow this one down? I’m almost positive you can’t live anywhere in the Midwest without a constant bodily aroma of bacon and beer. I see no conceivable way that this woman could even be mad. This guy is a modern day Robin Hood. He steals from the rich and gives to the needy, it just so happened that he was most in need of booze and breakfast meat at the time. While in all likelihood this guy was some hammered redneck who probably left a trail of puke and urine to and from the scene of the crime, part of me likes to imagine him as a masterful burglar. Like he has the skills to steal jewels from federal bank vaults, but chooses to break into peoples houses, drink their beer and cook their bacon. I can only hope to be so cunning one day.